It Always Costs

Posted on May 9, 2012 by joni

You can make almost any case you want if you use statistical information to help illustrate your point. And I read one that really got my attention is a recent article from the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School. 

When it comes to asking the question “Should organizations be concerned about employee loyalty?”  – it was cited that according to some estimates, replacing managerial and professional employees can cost approximately 150% of their annual salary.  When it comes to those who work ‘in the trenches’ – those front line, lower end workers, it costs about 50% of their salaries, and for high-level IT professionals, the figure might be as high as 200%!

It is true that the younger workforce is less inclined to ‘pay their dues.’  And it is also true that technology has made it easier for people to work at all times and in all places, making work less of a 9-5 commitment and the boss less of an ‘over your shoulder’ manager. But the workforce today may not be all that different than it has been in the past. Loyalty and engagement are what everyone is talking about but it’s a ‘chicken and egg’ kind of problem. Is it harder to be loyal to an organization today or are employees lacking the ability to show loyalty?

It’s not easy to be loyal to firms that are not loyal to their employees. Working lean and mean is often exactly that  — lean and MEAN. Cutting back on benefits, training, support, raises, and promotions hurt the employees in order to maximizing shareholder value sends a message, and employees are getting it loud and clear. If the organization isn’t going to invest in me, then I’m going to be stingy about how much I invest in my organization. Doing ‘more with less’ used to be a temporary directive to get us over a difficult hurdle – not a working lifestyle.

While employees recognize that employers may not offer them a lifetime of employment, organizations recognize that employees are more willing to depart and work someplace else. We want commitment from one another which can mean different things to different folks.

I think that people are faithful to people, and employees stay because they are loyal to a boss, their co-workers, the mission, or their customers.

Yes – other things need to be present. Without a safe/nice place to go to each day, challenging assignments, and a fair wage, no one can pay attention to the manager, the colleague or the customer.

If you are looking at your bottom line, look at what it costs to engage and keep your employees. Then look at what it costs when you don’t bother.

Invest in your people now and you might be able to avoid investing in attracting people you don’t know later.

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Rhetoric vs Reality

Posted on May 2, 2012 by joni

I’ve been making presentations on the topic of work-life integration for a while now. The women I talk to are in search of the magic combination that will unlock the padlock to happy success.  They are eager to find the life where there is no push-pull between work and home.  The happy and satisfied life of their dreams sure isn’t the one they have created and many are convinced that there is some key strategy, skill, job, man – something that will get them to that place that they aren’t quite at –yet!!

All of the rhetoric out there does not match the reality but instead of dismissing the message, many women continue the search for the elusive ‘balance.’

Sigh

So as I pack up to give another presentation on the topic, I offer this: figure out how you define success today, knowing that this will probably change as your life changes.

My observation is that most men tend to travel on a linear path. Success, while often about how satisfied they are, is frequently tied to money, position and power. Women don’t dismiss those things, but success might include things such as relationships, impact, community and family involvement, flexibility and autonomy.

Many men have a more singular focus making choices clearer and easier. It’s as if the message is “If I’m OK, those around me will be OK.” Women are focused on a variety of things and it’s as if the message is “If everyone else is OK, I’m OK.”

Different genetically, men and women get different messages from birth and socially have different influences. Understanding the differences and respecting them is a key to effective communication as well as management.  But the challenge of work and home and community existing together in perfect harmony is a fantasy. Each entity (and more if you add more things into your lifestyle) wants 100% of your attention. Kids sometimes want 120% of your attention!

Balance assumes that you can dictate an appropriate and perhaps equal percentage of your time, attention, energy, and focus to each aspect of your life. But the truth is that you don’t always get to call the shots (“I’m sorry boss, I gotta run. It’s time for yoga and that helps me clear my head.”) and controlling other people’s needs, actions, and reactions is simply magical thinking. You are not going to be able to do it.

So what CAN you do?

Define success and see how close you can get to it. Improvise the plan when it doesn’t work as well as you had hoped. Understand that inventing as you go along is real life.

Life is more like an improvisational comedy troupe than a scripted play where everyone knows their part.  So while it may feel like it’s not what you had hoped, or thought, or even wanted – as far as I can tell, we get one life and this is it.

It’s time to make the most of what you’ve got. So make your plans and have goals but rather than a clearly defined single outcome, think about a range for defining success. It helps to stay flexible.  Real life requires it.

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Don’t Ask = Can’t Get

Posted on April 25, 2012 by joni

The art of negotiation involves a specialized set of communication skills. There is an agenda with an objective. Sometimes there are many objectives. There can even be hidden agendas. But overall, study after study points to findings that reveal that men take the opportunity negotiate more than women. (Up to eight times as many men will negotiate compared to women!)

Not only do men negotiate more, they do it with a confidence lacking in women. Many women approach negotiating tentatively — while many men approach it like a game that will be enjoyed and has the potential to be won.  For some women, just the anxiety about negotiating can prevent them from engaging in it at all. As a result they take what is offered.

You can debate the stylistic aspects of gender in communication all you want, but ultimately, it can lead to women earning much less money than man over the course of their careers.  Starting with ‘job #1’ – than can add up to significant cash.

Many employers expect to negotiate. And because they do, the first offer can be less than they expect to pay.  Women may drag their feet when it comes to asking for and negotiating better assignments, chances for increased visibility, and promotions that they think they are qualified for.

I’ve observed that many women think that their hard work will be recognized and rewarded. What they may fail to understand is that asking to be noticed can speed up the process.  Educating others about your contribution, helps them learn about you as a valuable resource.

What stops women? It can be as simple as not wanting to appear disrespectful to the boss or hiring manager. Sometimes the truth is that not taking an opportunity to negotiate is evidence of avoiding discomfort – or lacking the skills.

It’s fine to be happy with what you are offered, if you really are.

But women have the power to change. We can reap the rewards if we are interested in putting up with learning some new strategies and skills and putting up a few minutes of discomfort.

When I get to the check out at the store, I ask if the price is negotiable. I usually get a laugh. But in smaller stores, the owner always has the right to negotiate the final fee.

When it comes to negotiating at work – forget about dropping hints or hoping you’ll get noticed. Speak up and ask for what you want.If you don’t ask, you can’t get!

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Rethinking the “Customer is Always Right’

Posted on April 19, 2012 by joni

Recently my expertise has been called into question. I’m not sure if it’s how the planets have aligned this week, the growing confidence of people to question everything and everyone, the belief on the part of smart people that because they are smart in one area of their lives, they are smart in other (or all other) areas of their lives. I just know that the more I work to explain why I am approaching the solution to their challenge/problem, and the more they argue and question, the more I start to wonder if I’m right.

This is not new. When I was in graduate school, my client in the final practicum course told me to back off. I did, figuring that as the youngest person in my class, there was a good chance she knew more than me. It was only when my professor told me that she was manipulating me and that I was accurate in my assessment and approach that I was able to stand my ground and push back.

That’s not to say that I’ve never been wrong – I have. I’ve had some spectacular failures.  Sometime the client changes their mind, is fearful about moving forward, doesn’t have the confidence needed in me or in their own ability, or decides that the change is just not worth the discomfort. I am often the recipient of their disrespect and derision.

Like:

  • The Vice President who wanted a more sophisticated program than the one I was conducting on communication skills. Privately, I pointed out that he seemed unable to manage the interactive exercises without much success and until he could manage the basics more effectively, it didn’t seem appropriate to move things to a more complicated level. (I wasn’t asked back.)

  • The Supervisor who refused to interact and spent the entire full day program reading magazines.

  • The Executive who decided that the program was a waste of their time and left after the first break. The President wasn’t happy when he came to check on how things were going. He had been specific about having this particular Executive attend the program because he thought his skills were so poor.

I sometimes wonder if I get the push back because of my gender difference,  but how would I know? I’ve always been a female. It isn’t always men who make it clear that I don’t know what I’m doing.  I’m not so arrogant that I’m not open to looking in the mirror and asking if their assessment is accurate.

But I find that the customer/client is not always accurate in assessing their own needs or in determining the gaps in areas of interpersonal or management skills. People can be solution minded to a fault – jumping to the easiest and fastest way to fix a problem without spending enough time defining why it might be a problem.

I want to be thought of as a partner instead of a ‘contractor.”  So I trust my gut more and try to flinch a little less. I work for the best outcome and hope that my client works with me to get it for them.

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Rules for Improvisation Work at Work

Posted on April 10, 2012 by joni

I recently read Tina Fey’s book BosssyPants. Not exactly a memoir, it traces her life from growing up in the suburbs of Philadelphia, to college, to Chicago’s Second City impov group, to SNL, to 30 Rock. It’s funny, witty, introspective, and self-deprecating. But this isn’t a book review. To see my take on the books I’ve read, you can go to Goodreads.com and review my reviews.

What I found worth a second and third look was her review of the Rules of Improvisation. As I learned via Tina, what makes for a good improvisational skit and a valuable improvisational partner also worked as a pretty great blueprint for professionals at work.

Tina says: Agree to say yes. In Improv, you respect what your partner has created; start with ‘yes’ and see where it leads.

I say – At work, rather than point out why things won’t or can’t work, start with ‘yes,’ respect what others have produced and see if that direction will get you to a successful outcome

 

Tina says: Say ‘Yes’ and then say ‘AND.’ Agree with your partner and then add something of your own. Don’t be afraid to contribute. Your role is to be part of the discussion.

I say  – At work, build on the initial proposition to make it better. If you are on a team, you have a role to play. Contribute to the outcome because it should be a team effort; that’s why you are there.

 

Tina says: Make statements. Don’t just ask questions because all you are doing is putting pressure on the other people. Be part of the solution. This is especially true for women.

I say – At work, speak in the active voice rather than a passive one. Rather than posing questions for others, respond to the situation with information. Women need to take particular care in sounding confident and self-assured.

 

Tina says: There are no mistakes, only opportunities. And mistakes can lead to great discoveries.

I say – At work, there may be mistakes, but some are worth making. We learn a great deal from effort and attempting to attain goals and objectives.  Mistakes can lead to finding the answer and may even result in surpassing expectations.

 

If you are interested in reading the observations of a successful woman who seems to be going about her life and her job (jobs) with a keen awareness that she is smart, talented, lucky, and as she reminds herself and the reader  – grateful (she is acutely aware that the work she does is not as difficult as working in a coal mine) – Bossypants  is worth a look.

Posted in Consulting, Mangement, Skills, Support, Training, women | Leave a comment

Let’s Talk About It

Posted on April 3, 2012 by joni

I recently facilitated a conversation of senior level managers and executives on the topic of communication and issues that often obstructed the process. It was a robust exchange of ideas and it became obvious tht different styles were emerging. Often breaking along gender or generational lines, my challenge was not in determining styles or keeping the dialogue going, or even keeping track of the various thread of the conversation.

Everyone was eager to talk.

But few were eager to listen.

In his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey asks the reader to first start with understanding. However I saw very little of that going on. I’ve read descriptions that tout women as being eager to develop affiliations and men eager to develop empires, but I observed that when it came to discussion, there was a whole lot of talking going on and not a lot of listening, let alone asking questions to insure a better understanding. I’ll admit that since I had just spent a fair amount of time going over the basics of effective communication, I was a bit dismayed.

Don’t think that I just watch this go on. I called one participant on this behavior. In describing metacommunication – talking about how we communicate – I used the ‘here and now’ observation of what was happening right in front of us and described the behavior that I saw as impeding the process. I noted that interrupting indicated that not only did it appear that listening was not going on, the person interrupting was so eager to make thier point that they were not letting the speaker make their point!

There was a pause. I think it was an attempt to be polite! I suggested that the speaker was trying to explain how they viewed the situation and the ‘listener’ was telling them that their perception was faulty without hearing them out. Not only was the ‘listener’ not listening, they were telling the speaker that what they were seeing and thinking was not accurate. And in the middle of trying to make my point, the ‘listener’ interrupted me.

I pointed out that again, this behavior was actually making my point! A few of the participants laughed at the recognition, but the ‘listener’ seemed annoyed. Not at themselves – at me, for pointing out the absence of listening.

It was humorous a the time – to a few.

Upon reflection, I feel badly that the opportunity to learn was missed. It’s possible that upon reflection, the ‘listener’ realized the point I was trying to make. Perhaps they thought about how few questions they asked. (In fact no questions were asked.) How little people truly listen. It’s not easy to slow the process down and think, reflect, stop talking, and ask questions. And ask more questions to get to a deeper level of understanding.

So many peope want to talk and be heard, but if everyone does that, who will listen?

;

It’s not east to stop talking. If you want effective communication – it’s essential.

;

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Ladies – It’s Not Enough

Posted on March 27, 2012 by joni

We’re coming to the end of Women’s History Month.  I’ve been reading two kinds of articles: the ones that celebrate women’s accomplishments and the ones that bemoan how far women still have to go to gain equity.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the articles that highlight the accomplishments. It was great to see Sarah Blakely, the creator of Spanx talk about her success. But she was on just about every talk show and highlighted in so many magazines that I found myself wondering if Sarah was the only woman the media could find to talk to about her climb to success.

I also found myself wondering if Sarah had said to any of the interviewers that she knew of some OTHER amazing women that they should talk with about success.

If women are going to ever reshape (no pun intended Sarah!) the male dominated business culture, they are going to have to do a few things differently:

Women need to learn how to use their power. Power that isn’t accessed and wielded isn’t much in the way of power at all. Using the power they have to change the culture of business seems to be a good use of it – and yet, it’s not happening.

Networks are the currency of the business world but women are not leveraging their networks to forge strategic alliances and coalitions. Networks that only provide support are not the kind that forge any kind of revolution.

If you want to change the current status quo, don’t wait for someone else to make it happen. Women make up the majority of employees currently employed, college graduates in the US, MBA school graduates, graduating attorneys and physicians.  If you simply go by the numbers, women have a louder voice so perhaps it’s time to speak up. Waiting hasn’t gotten us very far.

Waiting for power is like Waiting for Godot  (I know – and obscure English Major reference!) –  rather than hoping it will be offered, women need to go out and grab it. The old days of being tapped on the shoulder and selected for greatness is long gone.

Studies indicate that women like to be liked. While few people enjoy conflict (OK – there are a few people for whom a day without conflict is like a day without sunshine, but they are rare) women may choose popularity over power. They are not mutually exclusive but friends are personal and work is, well, work!

I recently spoke to a group of women about the decade that has just passed (since my book was published) and asked if a decade had made a difference. Sadly, when you look at the data, it really hasn’t. In 2001, women made 76 cents to the men’s dollar. In 2011, they made 81 cents. In 2001, 5 of the Fortune 500 CEO’s were women and in 2011, there were 8. In 2001, 28.2% of all business owners were women and in 2011 the number percentage was 28.7%.

Next week I’m giving another presentation for women and I’ll choose my words carefully. I am delighted for every step forward we’ve made and every accomplishment we can point to. But it’s not enough.

 And not to put too fine a point on it, when the political rhetoric is male dominated and focuses on the right for women to have access to health care and birth control – then we haven’t come near far enough.

Posted in Change, Motivation, women, Work Life Balance | Leave a comment

Play Your Position

Posted on March 20, 2012 by joni

If you have ever played a team sport, you may have crossed paths with the person on the team who is all over the place. They want to tell you how to play your position, how the coach should coach, how the other players could play their positions better and they probably have ideas about how the uniform can be improved.

It’s annoying.

If you are a C-Suite executive, CEO, COO, or Board member, you can do the team a favor: don’t be THAT person. Play your position.

People think you are ‘in-the-know’ which means that they listen very closely to what you have to say. They watch your actions like a hawk to see what behaviors you model. You are the boss so act like a person who understands that. Behave like someone who is aware that they are being watched and listened to every day.

As a leader, you should be hiring people who think differently than you do. Your employees should be smarter than you, capable, challenging, and creative. Hiring people just like you is the same as hiring a bunch of pitchers for every position on the baseball team. We already have that position filled! You don’t need people to agree with you.  You don’t need your job to be ‘easier’ by hiring people who make your life easy. Hire people who are best for the organization. Your organization already has one you – they don’t need more.

Manage your stress like a grown up. You have the title that says ‘I’ve got the skills’ so stop tossing out emails, hiding behind your computer screen, leaving voice mail messages to avoid conflict, or shirk the responsibility that is yours. If you have difficult news to communicate, do it, do it well, and don’t duck it.

Human Resources is not responsible for the culture of your organization. Culture is also known as ‘how things are done around here’ and it starts at the top. If you value training, put money in the budget for it and show up at programs when they are held. Aks your staff about what they are attending and how it’s making them more effective. If you think inclusion is important, show up at affinity group meetings and ‘walk the talk’ by modeling the behavior you want to see in others. Stop talking about employee engagement and take responsibility for it  – with your own employees.

The folks at the top carry the flag so make sure your employees know the mission and vision of the place that pays them for their work. Tell them about the strategic direction you are taking, the initiatives that you are excited about, your competition and your market share.

There are plenty of things other people in other positions should be doing. It would be so great if you would do YOUR job well.

Play your position – it’s allows others to play theirs.

 

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Mars? Venus? Who Cares – We’re on Earth!

Posted on March 13, 2012 by joni

One of the best uses of shorthand is the title of John Gray’s book Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus (19 93). Say the phrase and people immediately know you are talking about the communication differences between men and women.  Whether you are a fan of the book or not (Confession: I’m not) you get the gist of the premise.

Deborah Tannen’s Talking from 9 to 5: Men and Women at Work (1995), and You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation (2001) added her take based on scholarly research and real-life examples rather than on a myth-like premise. She too aims to help people understand why men and boys act one way and girls and women act another.

Both seek to get across the same message I work to hammer home AND remember myself: there is no right or wrong here. People are wired differently and effective communication is enhanced when you think about how the other person gives, receives and processes information. Take those things into account when crafting your message.

It might seem like common sense (men’s communication style is reporting – to the point; women’s communication style is rapport and disclosing information.) but common sense isn’t really all that common. Men can’t figure out why women are so frustrated when they want to get right to the meat of the matter. Women can’t figure out why men aren’t more ready to listen, ask questions, and share information.

Generally speaking, women have a tendency to ask a lot of questions before they jump in to a new task. Men simply roll up their sleeves and get to it. These style differences create an impression that can get in the way: the woman is seen by men as being too tentative and the man is seen by women as being overly confident. Neither is completely accurate, and neither is right or wrong. It is just the different style in which they approach the task.

Let’s all be realistic about what’s possible. The kind of intimate conversations that women have with their girlfriends will probably remain with their girlfriends. Men can’t become girlfriends – they don’t usually develop relationships in that way.  Men can develop an understanding that women talk to create a relationship, not just to chatter the day away. And sometimes, for a specific period of time and a clear purposes and goal, men and women can use skills that come naturally to the other.

But – then they’ll go back to their default style – which allows them to operate with the most efficiency and comfort.

Not back to their home planet – here on Earth!

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Make Luck

Posted on March 6, 2012 by joni

When successful executive women talk about how women can join their ranks, they encourage them to keep their “feet on the gas pedal.” Like “Just say NO,” – it’s an easy thing to tell others to do and much more challenging to put into practice.

Women live in a world with many competing interests.

  • Bosses, employees, significant others, children all clamor for attention.
  • Parents, friends, and siblings often demand to be noticed.
  • Diet, exercise, and health require adherence.
  • Errands, home maintenance, and the kitchen cupboard need someone to oversee them.
  • Clothing and hair involve upkeep.
  • Local, national and professional news is a 24/7 proposition.

It’s easy to look at women who have ‘made it’ and give their luck all of the credit. Sheryl Sandberg gets criticized for her achievements at the same time she is lauded for them.  Some women suggest that it’s easy for her to give advice when she doesn’t have to follow it herself. Executive women don’t face the challenges aspirants do.

But they did. Unless Mom or Dad owns the company and provides the executive title along with the first professional position, no one begins their career as an executive.  Women have a long way to go before pay and power parity is achieved, but no one will get it whining about how tough it is to get. Executive women know they had hard choices to make and they made them. Often made with angst and sleepless nights, decisions always have consequences. It makes sense that women focus on the benefits of their decisions rather than the downside. Why look back at things you can’t change now?

Perhaps there is a benefit for women who are following in the footsteps of others to see that the climb up the ladder is not without challenges and hard choices. But after acknowledging that – it seems  indulgent  to belabor the point.

For pay and power parity to be within reach, women need to stay focused on those very objectives.  Rather than complaining, they might look to focus more on promoting their abilities to help others achieve their critical objectives.  Seeking out a sponsor who will introduce them into the networks where influence and connections will make the difference between being seen and remaining unseen.  Once in the room with all the power and influence brokers, women should open the door and invite other women in to share the visibility and opportunity to make critical connections.

We need to stop talking about someone’s luck and talk instead about their focus.

Don’t blame luck.

Make some of your own.

 

Posted in Change, Communication, Executives, Planning, Support | Leave a comment